haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This baby is an asshole
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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