Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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