Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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