quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
