im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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