Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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