Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
