the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The ass gains better be worth it
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