After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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