Don't you send me to vm
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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