We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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