its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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