That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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