i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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