is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.