So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".