Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Randomize
Follow @tfln