chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.