I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
