You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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