Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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