Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Even my vagina gasped.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
