Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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