There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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