Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
