He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Randomize
