just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
