You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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