You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
