nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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