he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
