He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Cover your peen. We're going out.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
