I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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