She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
