I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
