well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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