I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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