What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
