8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
