I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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