i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
