your parents love me but you hate me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
