I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
