I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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