hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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