Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
