dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
