you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
