I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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