So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
