this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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