This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
