i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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