yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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