1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
