Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
