her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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