I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
