Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
