Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
