So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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