Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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