God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Randomize
