my mouth tastes like poor choices
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
