I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Two words: blizzard sex
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
