What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
