we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
