all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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