Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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