false alarm. still invincible.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
