We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
True college students do jello shots in the library
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
