i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
