There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
