ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
