3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize