This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
