I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
