I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Pants are for mortals
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Drunk is a universal language darling
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