Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
