Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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