I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
