my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
