So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
