If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
